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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

dealing with toxic people

Here is an article I found (on This morning I decided to clean my desk and the desk in front of me where other people come to do work. Then as I finishing up someone (not my boss) asks me why I am doing that and don't I have work to do. I tell them it needed to be cleaned and yes I do have work to do, don't they have their own work to do? They say well it is just odd I am doing that if I have work to do. Maybe that isn't toxic, but more passive aggressive. Or simply annoying!

I don't think people realize the stuff that comes out of their mouth sometimes. The thing I can not stand is people that direct negative comments your way and then the next minute are all laughing/joking. I think that is called an energy vampire. The trick is to not soak up all of their negative energy like a sponge. Stay far away!!

Anyhow here is the article by Angelmary Koola

Imagine a world where people were always pleasant and kind. Everyone helped one another, no one judged each other, and every relationship you have enhances your life. Unfortunately, the reality is not what John Lennon sang about in his song ‘Imagine’. In fact, the truth is, almost everyone has to deal with a toxic person in their life at one time or another. Whether is a family member, a co-worker, a boss, or even a friend, these people are the ones that end up causing you unnecessary stress.

Stress happens to be a major player in how your body operates. It is true that stress is needed for your body to function. However, excessive stress can cause your body to begin to move down an unhealthy road where diseases and illness start to take over.

For example, when you feel depressed about anything, you will feel that depression throughout your body. You will feel sluggish, lazy, tired, and generally under the weather. The stress from being depressed effects your eating habits and your lifestyle, in turn causing your body to work less efficiently. Whether it is an abusive spouse, a neglectful parent, a condescending boss, or a leech-type friend, the stress can become toxic to your health.

Recognizing toxic people
Who are these toxic people to watch out for? Toxic people are ultimately the people who cause you the most negative stress in your life. They are the people that make you feel unhappy, or spoil your mood purposely every chance they get. They are also the people who tend to be manipulative, deceiving and conniving. They could also be the ones that inadvertently cause you stress by harming themselves, for instance a family member that is a drug addict.

Sometimes toxic people are people you love very much like your children, parents or spouse. At times, it is hardest to distance yourself when you are actually related to the toxic person in your life.
Handling yourself around toxic people

First and foremost, keep it in the front of your mind that it is not at all selfish to change the way a toxic person affects you. Keep in mind that when you are stressed, your immune system becomes weaker. Therefore you are more prone to disease. Look at the following advice as a way to stay healthy, just like exercising or eating well.

1. If possible, let whatever toxic nonsense they spew go in one ear and out the other. Pretend to listen, but don’t really hear what they say or do altogether. If you are in a situation where you have to listen to someone, like your boss, then look below.

2. Kill them with kindness.
I know this is easier said than done. Sometimes your kindness can be taken advantage of, which might even make it worse. Other times though, if the toxic person is trying to break you down by saying rude things, they might realize it’s not worth the effort since it is no longer affecting you.

3. Do your best to be cautious and to avoid the person as much as possible.If you are at a party, occupy yourself with helping the host instead of being in the room with the other person.
If you are at a family function, be busy chatting with cousins so you don’t get a chance to see or hear the toxic person. This may not work with a boss at work, but can work with co-workers.

4. Focus on the good things you have in your life when you are around them.
This will make it difficult for them to penetrate and ruin your mood. Be happy to have a roof over your head, meals to eat, quality friends and family, and pretty soon the toxic person will have no affect on you. Any time they begin to wear down on you be thankful for what you have and realize they may lack many of the blessing you have in your life.

5. Realize that you should feel sorry for the toxic person.
They are not blessed with a good life and mind, which is why they spend their time ruining your day. When you begin to pity them, you will find that their misdeeds are minor.


Jasmine said...

Good article!
I used to think I knew the defintion of passive aggressive then I looked it up a couple of months ago and it was not what I thought it was. Basically it was somebody who acts gung ho but then procrastinates, resists, is secretly resentful, and makes a lot of excuses. So basically myself at work, haha only half kidding.

Candylei said...

I like where the article says, stay focused and be kind.


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